Do you like my poem anyone?!?

your poem is very good yet i feel a tad to long. also it seems you are trying to write lyrics for a song,which is good. is this your first poem? you have very good sentence structure,do not give up. one more thing the line (shes better off injecting..) i hope this in for dramatic effect , have you ever heard of Sylvia Plate? if i may, i would recommend reading The Bell Jar, so good luck& keep on writing....